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Sharon Feiereisen
2019-09-18T18:08:00Z
- Successful online dating can feel impossible when the competition seems infinite.
- Business Insider spoke to a few relationship experts on how to best stand out on dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble.
- Being honest and realistic — both in your profile content and photos — is crucial, they said.
- Striking a balance between sharing enough but not sharing too much is necessary to attract comparable matches.
- Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories.
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When it comes to online dating, everyone has an opinion — and a seemingly very strong one at that. One thing is for sure: it's not easy to stand out when you're competing for attention against millions of people on an app.
Not to mention that it doesn't take more than a quick glance at Tinder Nightmares to realize that it's slim pickings as far as quality goes — especially if you don't set yourself up for success.
But what does setting yourself up for success look like when you have mere seconds to make an impression? We turned to leading relationship experts to find out.
Here are some of their best profile-writing tweaks and photography choices you should consider to improve your odds of getting more quality dates.
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Take more realistic pictures.
Experts recommend to stop lying about age, weight, height, or any other points of insecurity.
"If you're unhappy with your current circ*mstances, deal with it, don't ignore it or lie about it," Wendy O'Connor, a psychologist and life coach, told Business Insider. "You will be surprised at how many people there are who really will like you for you, so be authentic and honest and it will get you further."
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Keep your profile short and sweet.
Nobody wants to read a dissertation about your life, so experts recommend being intentional with your word choice.
"It's important to be short and to the point," O'Connor said. "It's also important to remember that there's a fine line between too boring and too playful where your whole profile is a bunch of jokes."
A good rule of thumb is to follow an outline created by Brian Howie, the host and creator of The Great Love Debate.
"Every profile should have three things you want people to find out about you, two things you wish to find in them, and one thing you hope to find together: 'I am A, B, C, looking for X, Y, let's run around the world and find or do Z,'" Howie said.
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Offer key details about your interests and passions.
Though you might not want to reveal too much, experts say you should be specific when it comes to certain details like your interests and passions.
"For example, I was unequivocal in my Tinder profile about two things: loving the book 'Sapiens' and an interest in finding a relationship of equals," Keren Eldad, a business coach, speaker, and creator of the Date with Enthusiasm program, told Business Insider.
Eldad ended up meeting herfiancé on Tinder.
"In turn, I found a man whose profile said that he 'reads probably more than is good for me,' and who is thoughtful, egalitarian, and progressive."
Add a picture of an interest you have or would like to have.
This could be anything, according to O'Connor — from tennis, cooking, or gardening to Disneyland, art, wine, or animals. Aligning photos with interests will also make it easier for others to start a conversation with you.
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Project confidence and be positive.
"If you're showing pictures that display negative doom and gloom, that's what you will get," O'Connor said.
Nobody wants to be with someone who leads with negativity, so instead of focusing on things you don't want or don't like, focus on the positive, she said.
For your photos, colors matter just as much as style.
"When it comes to photos, I suggest dressing in simple, but popping colors, smiling genuinely, looking into the lens, having at least one full-body shot, and having at least one interesting thing in the shot that represents you," Destin Pfaff, founder of Love And Matchmaking, told Business Insider.
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Don't forget about your social media.
"Connecting your Instagram or Facebook to your bio allows a person to give you bonus time over the three to 30 seconds they spent on your profile," Pfaff said.
That said, he cautioned never to link to other dating sites.
"You'll be viewed as a serial dater," he said.
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Consider a professional photo.
An increasing number of dating app users are shelling out for professional photos for their profiles.
Note that a great professional photograph looks natural and realistic, not like it was a staged photo shoot or Photoshopped to make you look like another person.
"If you're not going to go the professional route, keep in mind that you're competing against others who are," Jenn Mann, host of VH1's "Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn," told Business Insider.
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Include at least one summer shot.
In 2013, a Match.com survey found that 60% of men and 82% of women were viewed as more attractive in photos taken in the summer months versus the winter.
Meanwhile, just 2% of people were viewed as more attractive in winter photos.
"Typically, both sexes look better when outdoors and relaxed rather than huddled up in hats and scarves," Kate Taylor, a Match.com dating expert, told The Telegraph. "Plus, you're more likely to be outside enjoying the sunshine and having a good time, and this comes across as much in a photo as it does in person."
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