Do Narcissists Care If You Move On? 5 Things That Happen (2022)

Sharing is caring

Multitudes of people who’ve implemented No Contact with the narcissist in their lives will inevitably ask the question, do narcissists care if you move on?

Why? Because they are often consumed with missing the narcissist, and they wonder if he or she has the same feelings of loss and sorrow…perhaps wondering if there’s a chance to rekindle the relationship.

Here’s the deal. When we wonder if (or assume that) the narcissist misses us, we are projecting our feelings of loss and longing onto them. Narcissists do not think the way we do, nor experience the same emotions. They cannot form bonds with other people, so the usual emotions of missing someone or feelings of sadness and regret typically don’t affect them.

(Video) 5 Things That Happen When You Go No Contact With the Narcissist

But they must feel something, right?

Yes, they do, but it doesn’t even closely resemble what you may be hoping for.

What Does No Contact Do to a Narcissist?

Below are the most common stages (emotional and physical) a narcissist goes through when one has implemented No Contact (**These are not listed in order of rank. These stages are for reference and can manifest in any order, depending on the individual).

1) Anger

When you’ve implemented No Contact with a narcissist, the first emotion they feel is anger at your attempt to set a boundary. They’ve grown so accustomed to having you under their control that they become indignant when you choose to have an independent thought and act on it.

During the relationship, you became an extension of them, so when you begin to break away and reclaim your conscious thought process they typically go into a rage, although this isn’t always obvious. Oftentimes, they’ll conceal the rage in order to fulfill their devastating revenge agendas.

2) Silent Treatment

In the narcissist’s mind, you are still their property and they believe it’s just a matter of time before you come to your senses. Therefore, a common tactic is for them to execute the Silent Treatment.

This might seem counterintuitive at first, but the truth is that many people do not implement No Contact in its true form, and often leave their phone, email, and social networks open in case the narcissist tries to contact them.

(Video) How The Narcissist Feels Once You Have Moved On

Then, when the victim doesn’t receive any form of contact from the narcissist, they begin to think the break-up may possibly have been their fault, after all.

In an ironic twist of events, the victim who implemented No Contact then feels rejected by the narcissist…and often will contact the narcissist with a text or Facebook message. Oddly, the Silent Treatment from the narcissist then results in the victim asking their abuser to come back to them.

3) Hoovering

Hoovering presents in many forms. Mostly, it’s the narcissist sending little texts, showing up at your door with flowers, coming to you because they’ve had a “life-changing” epiphany where, through some kind of divine intervention, they’ve been shown the pain and sorrow they put you through and promise to change.

Allow me to break it down for you usinga typicalhoovering attempt by a male Narcissist:

Scenario: The Narcissist sends you a text and shows up with flowers 20 minutes later. You crack the door and he tells you he loves you and doesn’t want anyone else. He manages to squeeze out a tear or two and admits that he hasn’t been perfect, but he is willing to try tochange for the sake of the relationship.

Your internal dialogue: “He must really care about me. He’s finally seen the error of his ways, and he’s obviously sorry for the way he treated me all this time. Thank goodness. This is great! I forgive him and love him more than ever.” You open the door and throw your arms around him.

His internal dialogue: “Damn. Those flowers were friggin’ expensive. Why am I doing all this hard work? Oh yeah, finding new supply would cost more than the flowers, what with the dinner dates and such. I guess I’m getting off pretty cheaply here. I can’t believe she’s falling for this…again. But oh man, is she gonna pay for doing this No Contact thing.” He forces a smile and returns the hug, which doesn’t seem as genuine as yours.

(Video) How Do Narcissists Feel When You Move On?

4) The Torn Lover

The narcissist has already shacked up with a new lover, whom they say they just met, but in reality, has been seeing for the past few months behind your back. They tell you they were so lonely when you implemented No Contact, that they defenselessly fell into the arms of a new lover. But, they still somehow love you and want to make it work.

The scoop: What’s happened is the narcissist found out that the new lover doesn’t have as much money as they thought, can’t support them, or gave them a little lip when they tried to test the boundary-breaking waters.

Or, maybe they need to get in a good devalue and discard before leaving you in a heap of raw nerves on your living room floor.

Whenever a “new” lover enters the scene, don’t fall for the “torn between two lovers” act. You are being played and triangulated and should consider going full-out No Contact.

5) Jekyll and Hyde

If he’s really sociopathic, once you fall for the feigned remorse and let him in, he immediately drops the mask and makes you pay for implementing No Contact. This could be in the form of a verbal assault, or physical. If the latter happens, call the police at your first opportunity. There’s only more to come.

Do Narcissists Care if You Move On?

Here’s what the narcissist really misses…

  • Someone to take complete care of them; the “special treatment”.
  • Not being able to be themselves. They can’t do that with the new supply.
  • Not having someone to take their frustrations out on.
  • Having someone to mop off their stage, all while paying the bills.
  • Having an adoring, compliant partner.
  • Being “God”.
  • Not having adult responsibilities.

As you can see, all the above have nothing to do with missing you, and everything to do with the Narcissist. It’s all about their ego, entitlement, and having control. These are the only two things that make up the Narcissist’s inner-self.

(Video) Derailed : When You Move On How Does the Narcissist Feel?

When you implement No Contact, it’s the ultimate form of Narcissistic injury, and they will do whatever is necessary to gain back control, and then devalue and discard you. That’s why implementing No Contact in its true form is critical when detaching from a toxic, emotionally abusive partner. Remember those points of entry from #2? Don’t leave them open. You will only regret it in the end…every. single. time.

How To Get Started On The Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

Going no contact is the best approach for breaking free. When you cut off all ties with the narcissist, you allow yourself to reclaim your identity and start a new life.

The best course of action is to find a therapist who specializes in emotional trauma therapy and join an online program to keep you on track in between sessions and to offer support. The Break Free Program has been vetted by therapists and neuropsychologists as an effective step toward getting over narcissistic abuse.

If you’re ready to break free and get started on the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse NOW, there’s only ONE way to do it:Let me show you how to forget the narcissist and move on.


FAQs

Does a narcissist care when you move on? ›

#5 The Narcissist Will Attack Your New Partner

Because you've moved on to someone new, your new partner serves as a constant reminder that they were not good enough for you, so they'll launch an attack against them. They'll start spreading false truths about your new lover and slandering their name on every corner.

How narcissist react when you leave? ›

Narcissists hate losing their supply, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."

Does a narcissist care if you break up? ›

How Did Narcissists Feel About the Breakup? Both narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry were related to feeling more anger right after the breakup. This is consistent with the tendency for narcissists to be especially hostile when they're rejected.

Does no contact hurt a narcissist? ›

Even if the narcissist has one or two other people who want to be with them, he or she may still go into this sense of narcissistic injury and anger. So rejection and no contact are extremely painful to narcissists and they typically handle it by punishing the other person one way or another.

Do narcissists miss you when you're gone? ›

Many people wonder if narcissists miss people that are gone. The short answer is yes, at times, they do. In that respect, on the surface, we could say that they are no different from anybody else. However, the difference is the reason why they might miss someone.

How does narcissist feel when you move on? ›

It's not uncommon for a narcissist to act like everything's fine or even like they're on top of the world after you've broken off your relationship with them. Meanwhile, you might feel like you're really struggling to get your life back together and move on.

Do narcissists feel sad when you leave them? ›

Though they can feel sadness, as author Tom Ewall notes, “Narcissists can feel sadness when you leave them, but not in a way resembling in any way what a mature adult would expect.” It's more like how a child might feel when they lose a favorite toy.

Do narcissists usually end up alone? ›

Loneliness and Isolation – Due to the first three factors described above, most narcissists have few, if any healthy, close and lasting relationships. Some higher-functioning narcissists achieve external success in life – at the expense of others – and find themselves lonely at the top.

Do narcissists return after no contact? ›

It's all a trick to reassert their control. So, in short, the answer is yes, a narcissist will continue to come back after “no contact” until their targets cut off all forms of narcissistic supply, leaving them no choice but to go find other prey upon which to feed.

Does a narcissist miss old supply? ›

Do Narcissists Go Back to Their Old Supply? In short – all the time. Narcissists require continual supply and sometimes they don't have a new relationship or they haven't properly trained their new partner to give them what they need.

Does a narcissist want you to chase them? ›

Yes, narcissists do want you to chase them. It makes them feel more desired. For narcissists, relationships are more like a business transaction. They love to be the center of attention.

What makes a narcissist panic? ›

A narcissist trains themselves to become so confident in their self-importance that it can be difficult for other people to challenge them. However, when you learn to challenge their view of the world in the right way, this is what makes them panic.

How do you make a narcissist feel guilty? ›

To make a narcissist feel guilty about their actions or mistakes, they need to know that there are consequences. Let the narcissist know that you won't tolerate their actions and that you're willing to walk away from the relationship if it continues.

How do you make a narcissist addicted to you? ›

How to Make a Narcissist Addicted to You
  1. Ignore them sometimes.
  2. Be confident.
  3. Hang out with your friends a lot.
  4. Be hot and cold with them.
  5. Change your plans at the last minute.
  6. Be dramatic.
  7. Encourage them to change.
  8. Make them dependent on you.

Do narcissists ever regret hurting you? ›

Do narcissists regret discarding or losing someone? It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.

Do narcissists panic and wait for you to break no contact? ›

What is this? Yes, narcissists panic and wait for you to break the No Contact. That's not because they miss your presence, it's a harsh thing to accept, but it's true. Considering a narcissist's need for control, admiration, and validation, they'll do what it takes to get it back.

How far will a narcissist go to get you back? ›

Narcissists will go to extreme lengths to get you back. It is often essential for their fragile ego that they get you back. They will often come to your work, promise you the moon, and even stalk you. If none of that works, they might initiate a smear campaign to discredit you so no one will blame them for the breakup.

Why do narcissists only connect with certain exes? ›

By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.

What happens when your ex sees you moving on? ›

They need a rebound

In some cases, an ex may come back because they're looking for a rebound relationship. This usually happens after they've just gotten out of a long-term relationship and they're not quite ready to be single again. So, they'll turn to you as a way to ease their way back into the dating world.

What happens when an empath leaves a narcissist? ›

If you are healed as an empath, and you've left a narcissist, be prepared for anything and everything they might do to make you look crazy, foolish, or unstable. They are the unstable ones and will project that onto you through triangulation and enlisting other people to make you come back to them.

Why do narcissist come back when your strong again? ›

They are confident their previous partner will take them back and give them the attention they want. Narcissists don't come back because they love you; they come back because they need a fix. Narcissists don't like to lose the battle. They are unable to have things not go their way.

What brings a narcissist down? ›

The best way to shut down a narcissist is to not engage with them at all and to go no contact. People that are narcissistic want things from you – they want your attention and your emotional reaction.

What hurts a narcissist more than indifference? ›

Exposure in my view hurts a narcissist just as much as indifference and in doing so you grow in strength and self-validation.. Do not let them shame you into silence for their unacceptable behaviour, this shows you are truly indifferent.

How do you say goodbye to a narcissist? ›

Be blunt, direct, and tell them it's clear to you how they are. Tell them you're aware of their actions and they'll feel they have no real power of you. Most narcissists are driven by their sense of shame they would never admit, and you can point this out to them. They'll be astounded and confused.

What a narcissist hates the most? ›

The thing that narcissists hate the most is when their fears of inadequacy are triggered by narcissistic injuries, disappointment, rejection, or even feedback and/or criticism.

What is the best way to outsmart a narcissist? ›

How to Outsmart a Narcissist
  1. Separate yourself to cut off their narcissistic supply.
  2. Take time to heal.
  3. Take responsibility for your part in a conflict.
  4. React with empathy and respect.
  5. Act unresponsive around them.
  6. Disengage from their conversations.
  7. Set and enforce clear boundaries.

What are narcissist weaknesses? ›

A very obvious weakness of the narcissist is their inability to self-reflect and self-analyze. In fact, they're incapable of looking within to understand themselves. They usually use a number of defense mechanisms when it comes to accepting their many insecurities.

What happens to narcissists in old age? ›

According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.

Do narcissists grieve relationships? ›

Narcissists deal with loss and grief just like anyone else. Their emotions and loss responses are sometimes a bit more complex, but suffering still affects them and disrupts their lives and schedules like everyone else's.

Do narcissists abandon people? ›

They also use abandonment as a type of punishment. Most people want some kind of closure when a relationship ends. Narcissists will often abandon a spouse or their entire family with little or no explanation. They are effectively punishing them for not doing what they wanted.

What is the emotional age of a narcissist? ›

According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others.

How long does the honeymoon stage last with a narcissist? ›

Section 1 of 3: How long does the honeymoon phase last with a narcissist? The honeymoon lasts until long-term commitment is in sight. This could take weeks or months, depending on the dynamics of your relationship.

Do narcissist have a lot of friends? ›

“People who are narcissistic, they have a pretty big footprint. They have a lot of friends, they tend to date more,” said W. Keith Campbell, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia. “It's not that there are more out there.

How long does it take for a narcissist to show their true colors? ›

Through his research, Campbell found that the four-month mark — the apparent satisfaction peak in any dating relationship — is typically how long it takes for someone dating a narcissist to see their true colours.

What happens when you don't reply to a narcissist? ›

They will get fearful and nervous as soon as you begin ignoring them. This is what happens when you ignore a narcissist. They may start to obsess around you even more by sending text messages like “I sincerely apologize” or “May we talk?” Don't mind them, and witness the effects of ignoring a narcissist.

What does cutting off all contact with a narcissist do to them? ›

When you cut off contact with a narcissist, their first instinct is to reach for things that have worked in the past. The most common way they do this is reverting the relationship to the “happy days” you had early on.

Do narcissists change with a new partner? ›

According to psychologists, therapists and neuroscientists, narcissists can never change. They are obsessed with the idealised image of themselves, which they believe to be superior to everybody else.

Will Narc treat new supply better? ›

The narcissist has no incentive to change for the new supply, just as they had no incentive to change with you. The world revolves around the narcissist – or so they believe. People come into their lives when they need to use them and are discarded when they are done.

Do narcissists try to make you jealous? ›

The researchers asked 237 undergraduates to fill out questionnaires about their personality traits, jealousy-inducing behaviors and the motives for those behaviors. They found that the more narcissistic the person, the more likely they were to try to make their romantic partners jealous.

Why did the narcissist choose me? ›

The narcissist selected you because they were attracted to your qualities. As with any relationship, whatever it is about you that is special, is what drew them in. And this is where the parallel with emotionally healthy relationships ends.

What do narcissists want from you? ›

Narcissists require loyalty. That being said, the loyalty is only one way. Many narcissists demand loyalty from their partners, while hypocritically betraying the relationship themselves; sometimes by even cheating on their partners, with no remorse.

What does a narcissistic collapse look like? ›

For the person on the receiving end, someone experiencing a narcissistic collapse may look out of control, extremely angry, and vindictive. In some cases, it may look like someone withdrawing altogether and giving them the silent treatment.

Are narcissists jealous of their victims? ›

Narcissists are said to be envious of others and yet believe others to be envious of them; they will often project this trait onto others and make their victims feel like the insecure ones. This type of envy, while common among narcissists, isnt just limited to malignant narcissists.

Do narcissists feel sad when you leave them? ›

Though they can feel sadness, as author Tom Ewall notes, “Narcissists can feel sadness when you leave them, but not in a way resembling in any way what a mature adult would expect.” It's more like how a child might feel when they lose a favorite toy.

Do narcissists panic and wait for you to break no contact? ›

What is this? Yes, narcissists panic and wait for you to break the No Contact. That's not because they miss your presence, it's a harsh thing to accept, but it's true. Considering a narcissist's need for control, admiration, and validation, they'll do what it takes to get it back.

Does a narcissist want you to chase them? ›

Yes, narcissists do want you to chase them. It makes them feel more desired. For narcissists, relationships are more like a business transaction. They love to be the center of attention.

Why do narcissist come back when your strong again? ›

They are confident their previous partner will take them back and give them the attention they want. Narcissists don't come back because they love you; they come back because they need a fix. Narcissists don't like to lose the battle. They are unable to have things not go their way.

Does a narcissist miss old supply? ›

Do Narcissists Go Back to Their Old Supply? In short – all the time. Narcissists require continual supply and sometimes they don't have a new relationship or they haven't properly trained their new partner to give them what they need.

Why do narcissists only connect with certain exes? ›

By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.

How far will a narcissist go to get you back? ›

Narcissists will go to extreme lengths to get you back. It is often essential for their fragile ego that they get you back. They will often come to your work, promise you the moon, and even stalk you. If none of that works, they might initiate a smear campaign to discredit you so no one will blame them for the breakup.

How do you make a narcissist addicted to you? ›

How to Make a Narcissist Addicted to You
  1. Ignore them sometimes.
  2. Be confident.
  3. Hang out with your friends a lot.
  4. Be hot and cold with them.
  5. Change your plans at the last minute.
  6. Be dramatic.
  7. Encourage them to change.
  8. Make them dependent on you.

What makes a narcissist want you? ›

To make the narcissist want you back, remind them of what they're missing by showing them you've got plenty of new supply to give. What is this? The narcissist thrives on external validation. Because of their deep-rooted insecurities, they cannot love themselves, and they seek affirmation from outside sources.

Do narcissists try to make you jealous? ›

The researchers asked 237 undergraduates to fill out questionnaires about their personality traits, jealousy-inducing behaviors and the motives for those behaviors. They found that the more narcissistic the person, the more likely they were to try to make their romantic partners jealous.

Do narcissists expect you to come back? ›

Do Narcissists Come Back to Relationships? Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they're done with you; a narcissist will come back.

Do narcissists come back to old relationships? ›

Why do narcissists come back to old relationships? Because Narcissists are confident you will take them back. Unfortunately for the victims of narcissist abuse, once they have been discarded, they are still emotionally connected to their abuser.

Why do narcissists come back years later? ›

Here is a summary answer: Narcissists often re-contact ex partners after a long time because they are idealizing and seeking to re-connect with old sources of “narcissistic supply”.

Videos

1. 5 things that happen when you call out a narcissist
(DoctorRamani)
2. 5 Things a Narcissist Does When You Leave
(HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist : Ultra)
3. 6 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact
(Rebecca Zung)
4. God Uses A Narcissist To Strengthen Your Life If... These 5 Things Are Happening
(The Royal We)
5. (Full Version) 5 Things a Narcissist Does When You Leave
(HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist : Ultra)
6. How Narcissists Keep You From Moving On - the Narcissists Last Lie
(Michele Lee Nieves Coaching)

Top Articles

Latest Posts

Article information

Author: Duncan Muller

Last Updated: 01/13/2023

Views: 5546

Rating: 4.9 / 5 (79 voted)

Reviews: 86% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Duncan Muller

Birthday: 1997-01-13

Address: Apt. 505 914 Phillip Crossroad, O'Konborough, NV 62411

Phone: +8555305800947

Job: Construction Agent

Hobby: Shopping, Table tennis, Snowboarding, Rafting, Motor sports, Homebrewing, Taxidermy

Introduction: My name is Duncan Muller, I am a enchanting, good, gentle, modern, tasty, nice, elegant person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.